Tuesday, October 9th, 2012
Link: The Onion - Romney Proudly Explains How He's Turned Campaign Around
"I literally have no clue where I stand on any single issue at this point," said Romney, adding that when it comes to women’s rights, gay rights, health care, the middle class, the economy, or the U.S. military, all he knows is how to lie about them. "I understand what other people want. And what I've learned, especially in the past week, is that in order to be a viable candidate for the White House, that’s all you really need to know."
Following the interview, Romney told various reporters that, if elected, he would save the newspaper industry.